I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
