We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
