I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
