Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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