The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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