Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
