I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
