Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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