if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
