Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
