So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
