Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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