he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
