every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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