Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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