I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
