You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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