I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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