I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He passed out mid-signature
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
