if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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