i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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