We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
