I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
