she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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