why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
