You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
