took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
