Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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