she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
