all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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