before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
