A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
