I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
