nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
