Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
