heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
