she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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