Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
