you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
