all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
