I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
