Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
