He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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