Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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