if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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