Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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