Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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