butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
