I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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