when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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